The New York Times added an opinion section called What I Got Wrong.  A variety of OpEd authors are revisiting past articles with a new lens and taking responsibility for the things they got wrong.  This is showing up and growing up, again.  Showing up can be “shaking off the morning gremlins attached to your ankles, fear and lethargy” (a good friend rephrased this from a James Hollis book), showing up again is taking the time to circle back.  Whether it’s to be accountable to others or yourself, it’s an important part of growing up.

My gremlins don’t prefer morning and I will argue that I only have one, fear.  However, fear can turn into lethargy, Britt Frank would call this parasympathetic anxiety.  When I have laser lock on something novel and exciting, my energy shoots to the sky just before it falls to the ground due to what I call the paralysis of enormity.  Middlescence is inviting me to be patient, the engineer in me is requiring me to organize, my examined life brain suggests a deeper look.  These integrated aspects have allowed me to slow down and review my present choices and intentions and ask Why do I want to do this? What is keeping me here? What is making me want to leave?  Sitting down to have tea (Tara Brach) with fear makes it is easier to release those stuck points and alchemize them into opportunity.  My daily mantra: Follow the energy and keep showing up in the present moment.

Almost 10 years ago while earning a master’s in Education, I worked with a professor on her project to find out “Where the Boys are” in K-12 education and why they were underperforming.   We quickly understood that “where” was less important than “why” and we shifted our inquiry.  The research led us to a new discovery, “Voices of Whiteness and Voices of Diversity – Blending the Tone in a Survey”.  Fast forward ten years, our culture and society seem to have changed or at least begun to change and I want to revisit what we got wrong.  Three jobs and three laptops later I was finally able to track down a version of our paper. I can’t wait to dig in with my new lens. What did Critical Race theory mean to me then while investigating the education of brown and black boys?  What does it mean now in our fractured culture?  Did what I said back then cause harm?  Do I need to reengage with those I may have hurt?  I’m thrilled to see individuals and entities (NYT) put time into revisiting their words and actions and I intend to participate in the movement.

Showing up is critical for growing up. As a society we don’t stop, we don’t process, we don’t digest and as a result we are lost, confused, and can no longer see beyond what we think are our own truths.  What can we show up for again? What conversation can be revisited? What friendship deserves another shot? My desire to fix what I’ve broken, to be accountable and responsible is what I most want to show up for. It’s hard work, it takes time and requires creativity to allow for the unique responses of others.  Imagine the social discourse we could elevate and the problems we could solve if this type of introspection, these expectations were a part of our education system and workplace.

Great Read: Living an Examined Life by James Hollis, PhD

Quote of the Day: “On the inside we come to know who and what and how we love and what we can do to deepen that love; only from the outside, and only by looking back, does it look like courage.” -David Whyte, Consolations

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